interviewers ask about the violent crime I suffered, profanity in a to-do list, and more

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go…

1. I was the victim of a well-known violent crime, and interviewers ask me about it

I was a victim of a violent crime that took me out of the workforce for a little over a year. The crime was significant/interesting enough to be featured by some “true crime” style YouTube channels.

Now that I’m interviewing to re-enter the workforce, I’ve been asked why I have a significant resume gap. Generally, I answer that I was the victim of a crime and it took some time to sort out the legal, health, and financial repercussions, but I’m fine now and excited to get back to work. Twice now, this has set off interviewers who recognize my (legal) name and ask if I am [legal name]. I confirm I am, and then I get invasive questions — “Did you really experience X, did Y really say that to you, why did you trust Y in the first place, etc.

Any advice on how to shut down that line of questioning, and any advice on how to handle similarly interested coworkers if/when I find employment again? I understand the crime can easily spark “can’t look away” style curiosity, but I really just don’t want to talk about it at work!

It’s upsetting that multiple interviewers are asking such personal questions about an experience that you’d think they’d assume might be traumatic, or at least difficult to talk to a stranger about, particularly in an interview situation. (And “why did you trust Y in the first place?” WTF?!)

But since they are, you’re probably better off sidestepping it in interviews altogether. When you’re asked about the resume gap, don’t mention the crime. Instead, say you were dealing with a temporary health situation (or family situation, if you prefer that; I’d argue they’re both true in a broad sense)  that has since been resolved and you’re excited to get back to work now that it’s behind you. If an interviewer makes the connection anyway and asks you about it, you could say, “It’s not something I like to talk about, I’m sure you understand.”

If coworkers ask if you’re the same Persephone Mulberry of the X crime they heard about, you could use similar language. “Yes, that’s me but I don’t want to talk about what happened — I’m sure you understand” means you don’t even need to wait for them to start asking questions; you can preemptively explain it’s not something you’re up for discussing.

2. Profanity in a to-do list

I wonder if you might have an opinion about a really low stakes question about work that I was just discussing with my husband. Do you think it would be inappropriate to use curse words in a private document on a work computer? For instance, I have a to-do list that I have saved on my desktop, would it be wrong to use a phrase like “Friday — get my shit together”? We both felt a bit uncomfortable with the idea but can’t quite put our fingers on why.

It’s better not to. It’s not that most coworkers would be outraged to see profanity, but you should assume that anything on your work computer could be viewed by someone else at some point (let’s say you’re suddenly in the hospital and someone needs to figure out where your projects stand), and in general it doesn’t look great to have profanity in work documents, even your own to-do list.

Again, it’s not going to be shocking or a huge deal, just mildly off.

Also, there’s something about “get my shit together” in particular that, on a to-do list, makes it sound like you don’t have your shit together. You’re better off writing,”Sort out X project” or “put desk in order” or whatever you actually mean.

3. Our volunteer keeps messing up (but tries!)

I volunteer for an animal shelter that is mainly volunteer-run. One of our volunteer tasks is to take dogs for walks. For safety reasons (for the humans and the dogs), we have guidelines that we need people to follow; for example, which type of collar to use or how to hold the leash securely.

We had a new volunteer start around six months ago. He’s a very nice older man who has the best of intentions and seems to try really hard. Except every single week, he’s doing something incorrectly — mostly things that he’s been coached on MANY times now! To people who aren’t involved with animals a lot, I get that it can sound trivial to say he’s holding the leash wrong or using the wrong type of collar. But believe me when I say it is a true safety issue and those policies are in place for very good reasons.

Once he’s told (again) to hold the leash properly, he happily obliges and does so. He’s never combative or rude or even irritated about it. He goes, “Oh, okay, of course!” and immediately corrects. And then repeats the exact same behavior the next week. (Each volunteer signs up for the thing they want to do, and he very much wants to be a dog walker.)

We really are not sure how to get through to him at this point. Aside from these issues, he always shows up and is on time (unfortunately rare for volunteers), and gives the dogs lots of attention and is great with them.

It seems extreme to fire him, and would be pretty fraught as he’s the friend of a high-level donor. But these are serious safety issues that keep coming up in the same way! Do you have any advice on what else to try with him, besides correcting in the moment every single week (which doesn’t seem to stick)? We are at a loss at this point.

Can you name the issue for him? As in, “Craig, we love having you here and the dogs love you, but we keep running into safety issues like X and Y. We really want to keep you walking the dogs because you’re great with them, but we’ve got to have you adhere to our safety procedures. We could go over them at the start of each shift for a while until they’re more second nature if that would help, or do you have other ideas that you think would work?” (I do think it’s possible that giving him standardized reminders at the start of every shift could solve it, as if he were new each time … but name what you’re seeing and ask him what he thinks.)

If that doesn’t work, then you’ll already have laid the groundwork to tell him that walking dogs hasn’t turned out to be a great fit because he keeps forgetting the safety rules, and is there another task he’d like to work on instead? Playing with cats? Playing with dogs inside the facility?

4. Can I brand myself in two different areas without alarming my current employer?

I have accepted a job at Company B after 10+ years at Company A. Both companies are in the same creative industry, and I’ll be reuniting with several former colleagues I’m fond of who now work at Company B.

However, my role is changing. At Company A, I was in a creative role, but at Company B I’ll have a project management role (think going from screenwriter to producer in the film industry). I’ve worked in project management earlier in my career, and the ability to be a creative with understanding of project management or a project manager who understands creatives is a big part of how I sell myself in my industry, where experience in both is uncommon.

I am taking the new job in good faith, love the people I’m joining, and will genuinely enjoy the work. That said, creative work is where my heart lies, and I won’t rule out eventually going back to it.

Can I continue to brand myself as both a creative and a project manager on LinkedIn and my personal website/portfolio without making my new employer nervous that I’m marking time until I find another creative role (which, to be clear, isn’t the case)? I’m in a volatile sector, and it’s entirely possible my tenure could be shorter than I anticipate for unforeseen reasons. In the meantime, I’d like to be able to advertise that I’m experienced and proficient in both jobs, and that the crossover adds to my value.

Yes. That’s part of how you sold yourself to Company B, after all, and your expertise in both areas is part of what makes you strong at the work you’re doing now.