It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…
1. My toxic employee can’t be managed
Our organization is undergoing process standardization and establishing workflows, including transitioning an area of work from Mavis, a senior colleague, to Tiffany, a newer team member.
Unfortunately, this transition has highlighted significant behavioral issues. Mavis uses a communication style that is toxically negative, with meetings frequently derailed by unrelated tangents. Tiffany can’t learn this new area of work from Mavis and is at the end of her patience. She feels targeted by Mavis’s negative comments and suggests that Mavis is sabotaging her success. Other team members have expressed similar frustrations.
I have managed Mavis for two years of her 20+ year tenure. A year ago, I addressed these behaviors through coaching and a formal document outlining team member expectations. We revisit it periodically. Despite this, the situation has worsened. Our 1:1 meetings frequently devolve into tears; Mavis insists she does not intend to offend anyone and feels undervalued in her work. While she puts in long hours, she is not efficient and often creates unnecessary work for herself.
I considered a facilitated discussion between Mavis and Tiffany to reestablish transition expectations, but I do not believe this is a problem Tiffany should have to help solve. I worry a PIP will render Mavis ineffective, especially in view of upcoming annual deadlines. Because the issue is rooted in deeply ingrained habits rather than performance gaps, I doubt it will be effective.
Mavis is near the end of her career, and I have handled this situation with more reverence than I would a newer hire. If a PIP leads to dismissal, she will not likely leave quietly, and I will be unable to backfill the position, which will put pressure on the team.
This has moved beyond team dynamics into a breakdown of trust. I am struggling with the path forward. Also, how can I silently signal to the rest of the team that I am taking their concerns seriously while navigating these constraints? Lastly, constantly managing Mavis is exhausting, I don’t feel that I am showing up effectively for the team.
I don’t think you can signal to the rest of the team that you’re taking this seriously if nothing changes with Mavis. You’ve got to get more serious about resolving the issues with her — meaning that she either significantly changes her behavior or you need to let her go, and you should be clear with her about that. I realize that’s not ideal if you can’t re-hire, but it’s probably better than demoralizing everyone who has to work for you and rendering you unable to manage effectively.
That said, can you talk to your own boss about backfilling the role? I assume you’re dealing with budget issues or a hiring freeze, but if you can show specifics about what work won’t get done with the job unfilled, sometimes there are ways around that. And if not, then you’ve got to talk to your boss about what work can’t happen, not just expect the rest of the team to absorb it if their plates are already full.
Related:
I have to manage the office jerk
2. My boss’s boss thinks my clock-in/out times are suspiciously consistent
I work from home full-time and have ADHD. One of my struggles is time blindness and remembering to clock-in/out. I corrected this (I thought) early in my career by setting alarms to avoid asking my manager for corrections and not worry about being too under/over 40 hours. I’ve been consistently at 40 hours or 1-2 minutes off over the years I’ve been with this company, give or take a few times I was approved to use overtime.
My manager called me to say her manager recently flagged my time card as “too robotic.” After explaining my system, she suggested adjusting to show different clock-in/out times to still hit around the 40-hour mark to appear more human and avoid suggesting the idea I’m manipulating my time. Honestly, it’s kind of broken my brain to figure out how to do this, as I thought this was the most beneficial way for my time management. I’ve never had any negative feedback about my work before, much less my time card.
What should I do here? My employer knows of my diagnosis and I’ve never had to ask for accommodations, but this feels like I’ll have to set up different alarms every day like at 8:54 am to remember this. I’m not unwilling to do so, but I fear that may give similar results if it’s the same time every Tuesday and so forth.
This is absurd!
It’s ridiculous that your manager didn’t just tell her boss that she’s confirmed your times are accurate. She should have done that, and that should have been the end of it.
Can you say to your manager, “I used to struggle with forgetting to clock in/out on time and this is the system that solved it for me. If I have to change it, I’m concerned I’ll start forgetting to clock in/out at all and it will be a much bigger problem. This is a system that works extremely well, so I’m wondering if you can explain to Jane that we talked and the consistency is accurate and the result of me being vigilant about setting reminders? The only alternative I can think of is to request a formal accommodation for my system, but that seems like overkill.”
For what it’s worth, there are phone apps that will let you set alarms to go off at a random time in a particular interval (like “any time between 8:50-9 am” or whatever you choose). So if the above seems like too much hassle, that might solve it.
3. Coworker is angry at my whole team and now he’s telling people to avoid me
I work in an office that supports several different departments. Last year, a member of one of those departments, Nick, felt my coworker was not doing their job adequately and it escalated to him loudly yelling at said coworker during a meeting, which I witnessed because of the proximity of our cubicles. Since then, Nick has actively ignored everyone who works in our office. I still say hello or wave every time I see him in the building and he pretends he does not see me and never speaks to any of us. As far as I know, he was never reprimanded for the yelling. I figured as long as I keep doing my job and treating him professionally, it’s a him problem and I don’t have to think about it. Until recently.
A few months ago, a new hire joined Nick’s department. She and I are friendly as we know each other from a community group. Today, after Nick saw me chatting with her at work, he approached her and said, “Watch yourself around her.” Because we are friendly, she told me right away. I can’t imagine what that could possibly mean!
I have been aware since the incident of Nick’s dislike of our department and that when he has complaints they are loud, but now I am worried that he is on a smear campaign for our entire office. I don’t know why I am included when I don’t even work with him directly. Are there steps I need to take to protect my reputation at work? Should I just continue as I have been? I am not sure how successful escalation would be as he is in a tenured position and I am not. I love my job, my team, my benefits, and I intend to work here indefinitely!
Eh, I’d ignore it unless you see further evidence that he’s causing a problem.
If you want to, you could fill in your manager about your concerns in case there’s any damage control she feels she wants to do, but my guess is that people probably know what Nick is like and take his complaints with a grain of salt.
4. Should I snitch on my manager for trash-talking?
My manager trash-talks a manager in our client organization, and I want to snitch on him because I’m petty and want to get him in trouble and I don’t like him as a manager. He uses collective punishment because he doesn’t want to make the correct decision and address the responsible agent in person. I challenged him on that and I’ve hated him ever since.
I want to tell the other manager, or the executive manager of the client organization, about the trash-talking he does. Should I?
No. You’re envisioning a straightforward outcome where he gets in trouble, but there’s no guarantee it’ll play out like that. There’s an at least equally good chance that it will just cause a lot of drama and he’ll be told you were the source and it will make your relationship with him worse … and for what? If you had genuine concerns about the way he talked about the other manager, that would be different, but your only goal is to make life hard for him and it could instead end up making life hard for you. Resist the impulse (and think about finding a new job if things have devolved to the point where you’re spending a lot of time contemplating this kind of thing).
5. Sharing that my partner and I are expecting during my probationary period
Two months ago I started a new job that has a six-month probationary period. My partner is currently pregnant with our first child. The due date is about two weeks after the end of my probationary period. At least two of my coworkers on related teams are expecting new babies this summer as well, including one who I work closely with, which makes it feel especially awkward to wait to share that we’re expecting. When should I tell my boss and team that we’re expecting?
Possibly relevant details: I’m only planning to take about two weeks of leave right when the baby is born, which will use all of my PTO that I will have accrued. I’m also planning on taking a longer paternity leave once I become eligible at my one-year anniversary.
You can tell them as soon as you’re comfortable sharing the news. You do not need to hold off because of your probationary period; it’s extremely unlikely that they’d decide to let you go simply because you’ll be taking two weeks of (accrued!) vacation time after six months of work. That said, if you have specific reason to fear that (like if they seem to let people go on the tiniest of pretenses), you could certainly wait to share the news; normally, though, you shouldn’t need to.
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