my boss told me not to help a drunk conference attendee, a loud coworker, and more

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My boss told me not to help a drunk conference attendee who was being led away by a stranger

I recently joined a 150-person company in a sales leadership role that I was headhunted for. In my second week, we hosted a customer conference in a hotel followed by a happy hour. After, our employees went up to the hotel bar for casual drinks, though three of the attendees also ended up at the bar.

One of these attendees, a woman, ended up getting so intoxicated that she couldn’t walk. When I realized that she was incredibly drunk and in the process of being led out of the bar by a man no one knew, I commented that we needed to put her in a car home and went to intervene. My boss scolded me, saying that she was a grown woman who made her own decisions. I replied that she was too drunk to make any decisions, and he doubled down, saying that she needed to deal with the consequences of her actions and it wasn’t our responsibility or place to stop her. One of my direct reports (a man) heard this full exchange and said nothing.

Luckily another (female) colleague overheard and went over to help, but my boss continued to comment, saying that she made a stupid choice to ruin her own night with someone else’s drama.

I really want to quit over this. I can accept the other offer I had last month with little issue and am regretting my choice. I’m having trouble feeling okay working for, traveling with, and drinking with other clients around him. However, I’ve also been told that I’m uptight, and I don’t want to completely torpedo my career by screwing over this company in a very small, very interconnected industry by leaving after only a month when they spent six months searching for the right person to fill my role.

Is there a way for me to leave without coming off as prudish and uptight? Would other people agree that this is unacceptable?

Needed to deal with the consequences of her actions?! By … getting assaulted?

You’re not being uptight; you’re being principled. You saw a significant issue with your boss’s character, one that’s likely to play out in future situations, and you don’t want to work for him.

In your shoes, I’d start by talking to either someone in leadership over your boss’s head or (if that’s not an easy option) HR. Explain what happened and the gravity of your concerns. See what they say. If they’re also horrified and act on it in a real way, it’s possible you might feel better about staying. But if they don’t, or if that won’t change your mind at this point anyway, you’ll have laid the groundwork to come back and say, “I’ve thought about this, and I’m not comfortable remaining on Craig’s team.”

2. My coworker is too loud

I started at a job in a B2B call center a month ago. We got moved into our new desks about two weeks ago.

I have been very quick to pick up on the culture and attitude around the office. People are generally extremely respectful of others’ space and their noise level — generally keeping casual conversations away from us on the phones or speaking in hushed tones. It’s about the noises level you might hear in a library, not whispering but hushed.

The coworker who sits behind me started in the same training class as me and sat behind me in training. I hoped we would be separated when we moved out onto the floor because he is constantly making noise. When he’s not on a call, he’s either singing, talking (swearing), making a popping noise, or chewing with his mouth open. When he is on a call, he’s loud enough that I can hear him over a call I’m taking. I am extremely irritated by it and it feels disrespectful of the people we share space with.

What is the best way for me to bring this up to a supervisor? I’m okay with moving desks if I need to. I’m sure there are others who might not be as bothered by it as I am but I’m just really not sure what to say.

Say something to your coworker first — not necessarily because it will work, but because when you talk to your manager, she’s highly likely to ask if you’ve tried talking to the coworker yourself yet, and you want to be able to say that you have.

You could say this to him: “I’m having trouble hearing when I’m on a call — would you mind keeping your voice lower and not singing?”

Then, assuming it doesn’t all magically resolve, when you talk to your manager you can say, “Would it be possible for me to move to a different desk? Paul makes a lot of noise throughout the day — talking loudly, singing, making noises — and I’m having trouble hearing some of my callers. I’ve spoken to him about it, but his noise level is still very loud.”

3. Our classroom aids physically can’t do their jobs

You recently wrote about older workers being pressured to retire. What about specifically when physicality becomes the issue? I work in a school and our staff are unionized and permanent. However, in my classroom, every year para aides are placed who cannot physically do the work the job requires (lifting students for transport or toileting, or even just keeping up with students when they move fast!). My principal has put some of these staff through the accommodations process with our district HR, but it either results in HR advising that I accommodate their limitations, which puts those physical tasks disproportionately on other team members, or, they’ve just been put on temporary leave, and then eventually come back … the same.

That’s not an issue of older workers, that’s an issue of your employer mishandling the accommodations process. Federal law requires medical accommodations that will allow the employee to perform the essential functions of their positions — not accommodations that exempt them from doing that. If employees are being returned to the classroom who physically can’t perform the essential functions of their jobs, and no additional resources are being offered to cover those functions, that’s not what the law requires; that’s a decision your employer is making.

4. Should I ask my boss to give me more work even though my contract is ending?

I have been working for my organization for almost a decade, but two years ago, the company restructured when higher management changed. As a result, the company moved states. At the time I couldn’t relocate, so I became a contractor for them instead of remaining an employee.

At the start of the fiscal year, my boss sent me an email saying that the department’s budget had been reduced and so my contract would end in December. Obviously, not great news in this job market, but I appreciated getting several months’ notice. However, since then, I have been given less and less work to do. At first I was just cut off from projects that would continue past December, but now even some of my regular duties have been suddenly reassigned. I’m also no longer invited to the team meetings. (My boss initially said that they weren’t holding them anymore, but I can see on Slack that everyone else is in a meeting at our usual time.) All of this has drastically and rather unexpectedly slashed my billable hours. Last month, my income was half what it used to be! It’s very distressing financially after already panicking about losing my job, but it’s also really frustrating to feel like I’m effectively being pushed out months before my contract ends.

I really want to bring this up to my boss, but I don’t know how to word it without focusing too much on me needing to be paid. Do you have a suggestion for discussing such a drastic change in work assignments, or do I simply need to accept that they’re just waiting for me to find another job and move on? Perhaps they actually planned on me starting a new job before the contract ran out and didn’t actually set aside enough money for me (or at least would rather use that money for something else)?

“I know my contract will be ending in December, but I had anticipated having full-time hours until then. I’ve been removed from so many projects that last month I only had about half my usual hours. Do you expect that to remain the case through the end of the year, or is there any way to add work back to my plate to get me back up to full-time hours through the end of my contract? I’d definitely like to do that if it’s possible.”

The answer may be that it’s not possible, but it’s reasonable to ask that (a) so your boss knows you want that and (b) so you’ll know what to expect.

5. Can I use they/them pronouns to reference people of unspecified gender in documents?

In my role, I’m responsible for creating documents like directives and procedures, and I’m currently leading a company-wide project that is formalizing our approach to document formatting, titles, content, etc. I am also doing my best to be a strong ally for the LGBTQ community, both at work and in my personal life.

I have always disliked the use of “he/she” or “he or she” in formal documents. It can become very repetitive and tedious if it needs to be repeated multiple times in the same document. Also, it no longer aligns with our understanding of gender as a spectrum. Since using “they/them” is becoming more grammatically acceptable as a replacement for singular pronouns when a person’s gender is unknown or unspecified, I would like to make this our standard practice in our documentation in lieu of “he/she.” An example might be, “Sales shall notify the customer contact and obtain their approval.” Or, “The employee shall consult their manager.”

I see this as a way to simplify language, drive consistency, and avoid multiple awkward “he/she”s throughout a procedure. I’d also consider it a win if making this change will feel more inclusive. My company is committed to diversity and inclusion and I do not see this causing a problem overall, though an occasional, isolated employee may find reason to complain.

Do you see any problem with this? I want to make sure I’m not “stealing” meaningful terms (or a meaningful usage of terms) from the LGBTQ community to solve a technical writing quandary. I’m not sure that’s even a thing I should be worried about, but the last thing I want to do is cause offense.

This is utterly normal and fine to do. If I understand you correctly, you’re concerned about appropriating terms used by non-binary people, but they/them are regularly used in the way you’re describing. It’s a well established use of they/them dating back hundreds of years!

If anything, non-binary people are likely to appreciate this usage, not think you’re stealing their identity for your own purposes — which I honestly don’t think would even occur to anyone, given the language’s long history in exactly the way you’re describing.

The post my boss told me not to help a drunk conference attendee, a loud coworker, and more appeared first on Ask a Manager.

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