It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go…
1. My boss doesn’t respect my time
I have 1:1 meetings with my supervisor about twice a month. When I arrive on time for them, my supervisor is often still having the meeting before mine. I have to announce my presence by waving every single time, which became very annoying to me. I don’t like when people don’t respect my time as much as I respect theirs. So I started showing up on time but not announcing my presence (I would sit near the door and just wait). Once, the meeting went on for 15 extra minutes. That time, my boss said, “Why didn’t you let us know you were here?”
I don’t think it’s my responsibility to keep her on time for things — that should be her responsibility. Am I wrong? Additional context is that I’m autistic and rules/conventions feel very black and white for me, which is probably why this has become my hill to die on.
Yep, you’re in the wrong here. Your boss is assuming you’ll let her know when you arrive; that’s not unreasonable. It’s not about not respecting your time; it’s about her having a full schedule. It would be closer to disrespecting your time if she made you wait a long time once she saw you had arrived, but she’s not doing that. And even then, that would be her prerogative; the reality of work is that your boss has the standing to decide how to prioritize your need for her time versus other people’s need for her time. Plus, her time is, in the most literal terms, more valuable than yours … and, importantly, you’re getting paid for your time whether you’re waiting on her or not.
It might help to read this:
my boss is always late for meetings
2. Is our faculty member accidentally mooning students?
I (she/her) am a (relatively young) tenured faculty member at a university. My department also employs a number of adjuncts, many of whom have been teaching in the department longer than I have. One of these is an older man, “Ed,” who has always been a little curmudgeonly and a little disheveled (long grizzly beard, clothes that don’t fit/have stains). I have been in meetings with Ed before, but our teaching responsibilities do not overlap at all, and I don’t have an admin role in the department. Recently we were both at a union event at a bar on campus, with students, faculty, and staff. When Ed got up to leave, his pants and underwear had fallen so far down that his ENTIRE BUTT was on display. This was not a plumber’s crack situation — he was full-on mooning the bar. As he was walking away he pulled at his pants at one point but they flopped right back down, and at that point he seemed to just let them be.
In a normal workplace this would just be awkward, but now I’m wondering about my responsibility to his students. What I saw didn’t seem like a one-time clothing malfunction — it seemed like a flaw in how his pants fit. If this happened at the end of a day of teaching, it’s quite likely that it happens while he’s teaching as well. Which would be very inappropriate, but I’m also not in his classroom and just guessing about whether it has happened.
Do I have a responsibility to mention this to my department chair, or maybe to another colleague who might be better positioned to have a quiet word with Ed? (Seems like that would be better coming from someone his age/gender or a closer friend, but no one of that description was in the bar that evening.) I don’t want to spread gossip, cause drama, or get this guy in trouble. He’s precariously employed and the last thing he needs is me making complaints. But I also don’t want students in the department to have to deal with him accidentally exposing himself during class. Should I speak up or stay out of it?
Yeah, you should say something. If it was a plumber’s crack situation, I’d let it go — but his entire butt? That’s egregious enough that it’s worth discreetly mentioning it to your department chair and letting them decide what, if anything, to do about it. Maybe it was a one-time thing — or maybe other people have seen it at other times and all figured it was a one-time thing too. Someone with the standing to say something to him should be alerted that it might be an issue.
That’s not spreading gossip or getting him in trouble; it’s, “I’m concerned this man’s entire ass might be on display to students, who might not feel comfortable speaking up.” (And it’s easily fixed with a belt, so if it’s brought to his attention there is a simple and obvious solution for him.)
3. I’m bombarded by message notifications while I’m trying to focus
I have a question about norms around chats at work — Slack, Gchat, etc. I work for a very small organization that has recently doubled in size, and I’m struggling to figure out how to deal with the new onslaught of messages throughout the day. I’m the type of person who already struggles with switching between tasks, and I’ve found that there are times in which I may have four or five notifications pinging every minute or two repeatedly, from group chats and individual messages. It feels like every time I answer something and then redirect myself back to whatever I was working on, yet another message comes up. On Gchat, this means the messaging person’s name blinking on and off in the tab over and over again. It’s such a little thing but it drives me up a wall and I find that I can’t concentrate.
Am I alone in this? I fear that turning off notifications for periods of time or marking myself as away might come off as rude if it’s happening out of the blue, especially when the people messaging are often right around the corner and know that I’m physically there. It feels trifling to do this if I’m just trying to get through a single email that’s taking some concentration, but somehow here I am.
You’re not alone in this. There are tons of studies documenting the negative effect that constant task-switching has on people’s focus and productivity.
But the easy solution is to turn off notifications! You can also mark yourself as unavailable or “do not disturb” if it’s not against the norms of your culture — but at a minimum, turn off your notifications. It’s not rude to need periods of time for focus, or not to drop everything to respond to a message immediately. In fact, your coworkers are probably assuming that you’ll respond when it’s convenient for you, not that you will treat every message from them as a loud, blaring alarm demanding your attention that second. Instant messaging is meant to be asynchronous, and they might be horrified to realize you think they’re demanding immediate answers every time.
If anyone ever asks why you haven’t responded to a message they sent a few minutes ago because they see you at your desk, you can say, “I’ll check it as soon as I hit a good breaking point” or “let me finish what I’m doing and I’ll take a look.”
4. How can I arrive looking professional after walking to work?
I got promoted this summer, and my new office is walking distance from my house (two miles)! I’d like to start walking instead of driving most days. I tried it this week, and arrived sweaty and flushed with no makeup. I work in a director role, and I want to be polished at work. How do people walk to work and still look professional? Complicating this, I’m currently hotel-ing offices, so I don’t have anywhere to leave supplies and have to carry everything each day.
Biking is not a safe option. I live in a part of the world where heat, humidity, and rain are issues. Ice and snow are rare. I really want to make this work because part of my on-foot commute is through a botanical garden!
Well … I think your experiment this week might be telling you that it can’t be done — that you are one of the many (many!) people for whom a two-mile walk in hot, humid weather with no shower at the end will mean looking sweaty and unpolished. People who manage to pull it off are generally (a) unusually unsweaty or (b) walking in cooler weather. You could try a clean-up when you get there with baby wipes, etc. — but especially with nowhere to store supplies, I’m skeptical that it can be done!
But I am also spectacularly lazy when it comes to exercise, nor do I wish to interact with the heat, so let’s hear from others on this.
The post my boss doesn’t respect my time, faculty member mooning students, and more appeared first on Ask a Manager.
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