why you should think like a consultant, not an employee

In a recent post on enjoyable ways your behavior changed once you decided to leave your job, someone commented:

I recently moved from employee to consultant status, so while I am technically still working, I am considered self-employed. There are some annoying aspects to this (mainly in terms of not having employer-provided health insurance), but from a psychological standpoint, I am frankly shocked at how much better I feel. Whatever is going on, I can just remind myself that I am choosing this. I could walk away at any time and do something else. Even if things get very stressful, my sense of agency over the whole situation is incredibly freeing. It is oddly nice being able to earn some income but not feel quite so enmeshed with the situation (as well as being able to talk about “my client” rather than “my boss”!).

I want to highlight this because it’s something I’ve tried to coach people in for years. Back in 2015, I wrote this about why you should try to approach your work like a consultant, not an employee:

Quite understandably, employees tend to personalize their relationships with their manager, the feedback they receive, whether or not their suggestions are used, and generally how a manager responds to them. Consultants – who have clients instead of bosses – tend to have an easier job of approaching clients from a more emotionally detached place. Try approaching your work like a consultant, which means, for example, responding to critical feedback in the same way you would respond to a problem that didn’t feel highly personal and emotionally charged (presumably by gathering information and collaboratively problem-solving).

And from my book, Ask a Manager:

Employees’ relationships with their managers sometimes resemble a parent/child dynamic more than a peer-to-peer relationship—and that’s not a good thing. To avoid that, try thinking of yourself as a consultant and your boss as your client. Consultants are able to sidestep that parent-child dynamic because they’re independently offering their services, and while they want to make their clients happy, if they ultimately can’t see eye to eye on something important, they can part ways without a ton of drama. And really, that’s true for employees, too — employees just tend to lose sight of it.

But what does thinking like a consultant actually mean in practice?

Consultants generally listen to what their client wants and decide if they can do that or not. If they think there’s a better approach, they share that, but ultimately it’s the client’s call. (And if you’re not up for doing what they want at the end of that conversation, then you’d tell them that and decide where to go from there.) You can take a pretty similar mindset as an employee! Obviously there are some differences; as a consultant, there’s more room to just bow out of the work entirely — which you can also do as an employee, although clearly with higher stakes. But that mindset of “eh, I can offer my input and I don’t have to be that emotionally invested with whether they take it” is often much better for your quality of life.

That mindset also makes it easier not to take feedback personally. If a client says, “I’m not crazy about how you’re doing Y,” you’d hopefully say, “That’s good to know, let me try it a different way. Does Z sound more like what you’d like?” It’s not emotionally fraught; it’s matter-of-fact because there’s more distance built into the relationship.

If your manager says she’s concerned about the lack of progress in Area X, you might panic or get defensive or dread the meeting. With a consultant mindset, you’d (hopefully) think, “Good to know! Let’s talk about this so I can figure out if there’s a better way for me to be tackling this.”

Another example: let’s say you’re asked to send in daily updates on a project. An employee might get annoyed and feel micromanaged and untrusted. As a consultant, it’s easier to look at it unemotionally and think, “Jane likes daily updates. Okay.” You may or may not be willing to actually do that, but it probably doesn’t feel personal. (Of course, it’s also important to be attuned for times when it might actually be personal; is Jane asking for daily updates because you’ve given her reason not to trust you? You probably have a sense of whether or not that’s the case, but if you’re unsure, you can just ask: “I’ll start sending you daily updates going forward, but can I ask if this reflects any concern you have about the way I’m doing the work?”)

To be clear, this isn’t about being obsequious or stifling your own viewpoints — a good client (or boss) will want to hear your input — but about not being particularly emotionally entwined with what decisions they make.

In fact, if anything, it’s the opposite of obsequious, because it means talking to your client/boss like a peer. Your client/boss tells you what she’s looking for and you say whether or not you can do it, seek clarification where needed, suggest modifications, jointly kick those around, etc. — but you’re operating as an independent person who is freely offering your services for them to take or leave. You point out problems when you see them, but you do it dispassionately. It’s just, “Hey, I noticed X is happening and thought I should bring it to your attention” and you’re not overly invested in what happens from there.

Caveat: not everyone is in a position where they have the privilege of operating this way. If you have a dysfunctional manager who wants people to kowtow to her and you need to ensure this particular paycheck keeps coming in no matter what, you might not have the luxury of this approach. But if you do have the ability to move in this direction, it’s incredibly empowering, great for your mental health, and usually well received.